Iraq

A Look at the Lives of Those Who Will Serve

June 22, 2008

The New mother

Marlene Martinez looks across the living room of her Ridgefield apartment -- to a small child's swing and its lime green seat covered by a cloth with pictures of animals.

"I wonder about my son," she says. "Will he still call me 'Mommy' when I return?"

Martinez's son, Josiah, doesn't even call her "Mommy" now. He doesn't speak yet.

He is only 6 months old.

Martinez, meanwhile, is 21, a single mom about to deploy to a combat zone with the Foxtrot Company of the 250th Brigade Support Battalion, based at the Teaneck Armory.

For her, going to Iraq is more than just being a soldier and surviving. She knows she will spend much of her time worrying about her infant son back home and what he will be doing in his first year of life.

"I will miss his first steps, his first crawling, his first words," Martinez says. "I'm trying not to think about it. I don't like it, but this is what I signed up for."

Martinez, a specialist, has dreamed for years of being a soldier.

"Ever since eighth grade," she explains.

She enlisted in the National Guard while still in high school in Hudson County. And even though soldiers were already being deployed to Iraq, she says the possibility of facing combat did not deter her.

"I'm not afraid," she says. "I'll take things one day at a time."

But she concedes that motherhood has changed her outlook, in part because her son's father, also a National Guard soldier, is heading to Iraq as well.

"I'll be thinking a lot more about home now," Martinez says.

Back in Ridgefield, little Josiah will be cared for by Marlene's mother, Mary Fernandez, who lives in an apartment in the same building.

Fernandez, 37, has her hands full, however. She has three daughters of her own -- a 2-year-old and two teenagers -- to keep an eye on.

"I want to assure her that everything will be OK," Fernandez said of her oldest daughter's departure for Iraq. "I want her to be strong enough. But I don't want to show my true feelings. I'm not happy she is going. But there is nothing I can do. I'm just trying to be here for her."

For now, Marlene Martinez spends much of her time trying to figure out what she can take with her. She has her family photographs. She has a laptop and a digital camera. And she has her soldier's uniforms.

But she is also taking a tiny t-shirt that her son wore and the first bottle he drank from.

"It's something that reminds me of the day he was born," she says.

Martinez says she probably could have asked the National Guard to let her stay home. After all, she is still recovering from childbirth. She has been jogging around her neighborhood and doing push-ups and sit-ups in recent weeks to get in shape.

But she says she did not want to let her fellow soldiers down. She also feared the National Guard might have asked her to resign -- and taken away her benefits, which include free tuition at New Jersey public colleges.

"I'd like to go to college and become a police officer," she says.

Martinez has completed two semesters of criminal justice studies at Bergen Community College. When she returns from Iraq, she plans to take more courses.

Her main concern, though, is her son.

She pauses at the thought, then looks across her living room again at her son's swing.

"I'm just trying to spend as much time now with my baby," she says. "I want him to be happy."

The Captain

He sleeps in his boyhood bedroom in a one-story ranch home in Glen Rock, the same room where he once hung his high school varsity letters and poster of "Baywatch" star Pamela Anderson -- the same room where he now packs his duffel bag to go to war.

James Egan is only 29, but already he has seen combat in Iraq, as a lieutenant with the Army's First Cavalry Division. Now he returns as a National Guard captain who commands Foxtrot Company. He leaves behind a father, Tom, who served in Vietnam as a medic with the First Cavalry Division and now volunteers at the town's VFW chapter, and a mother, Noreen, who works as a nurse at the same Catholic grammar school that James attended.

"It's kind of funny, being back with Mom and Dad when you're 29," Egan said. "At the same time, I never figured that by the time I was 29 that I'd have two tours in Iraq."

But he's not complaining.

Even as a boy, Egan dreamed of joining the Army. But recruiters turned him down. The problem: Egan suffered from a chronic digestive disorder.

"That put away the dream for me," he recalled.

Egan's next option was to become a police officer or federal agent. But first he wanted a college degree.

At Rowan University in Glassboro, he studied criminal justice. But a friend suggested he apply to the ROTC program -- and also ask for a medical waiver.

"Every step of the way, it was like I had to reinvent the wheel," Egan said.

But he finally got his waiver.

He graduated from Rowan in May 2001 and put on his Army uniform. Four months later, he was in the midst of infantry officer training when Islamic extremists smashed hijacked jetliners into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.

"I knew at that point I would probably go to war," he said.

Three years later, after completing Ranger training, Egan was patrolling the streets of Baghdad as an intelligence officer with the First Cavalry.

After turning home, he left the Army. He moved to Hoboken and tried civilian life -- and a job as a district manager for a uniform company. He now works for a Connecticut-based firm that sells surgical equipment.

"On any given day, I'm in and out of operating rooms of many hospitals in the area," he said.

As the New Jersey Guard prepared for deployment, Egan was called up for full-time duty. He also moved in with his parents, at the home with the flagpole in the front yard and a sign urging passers-by to "Support Our Troops."

"I don't know if there is anything to prepare you for your son going to war," said Egan's mother, Noreen. Egan agrees. But his thoughts are far from Iraq.

He has been dating a woman from Connecticut for about six months. But when Egan learned he was heading back to Iraq, he says he offered his girlfriend the option of backing out of the relationship.

"She's opted to see what happens," Egan said. "But deployment is difficult. We're going to try our best to make it work. I've got a lot on my plate, but you try to balance it out."

Meanwhile, as he packs his duffel bag in his boyhood bedroom, he has one small frustration.

His old bed is too small.

"When I sleep," said Egan, "my feet hang over the edge. But at least it's home."

Fulfillment of a longtime wish

The Transfer

Ross Gildow was destined to be a soldier.

As a boy growing up in Minnesota, he was surrounded by relatives who had served in the military -- Army paratroopers, Navy fighter pilots and Air Force sergeants.

He was fascinated by their stories, and their "cool" uniforms.

Unlike most recruits, he never complained about boot camp after joining the Minnesota Army National Guard.

"He loved basic," said his mother, Kim Gildow of Victoria, Minn. "It was his Eden. ... He is so gung-ho."

So when Gildow, 20, heard that a friend from New Jersey was going to Iraq, he wanted to go too.

Gildow got his wish: Officials in the Minnesota Army National Guard approved his request for a transfer to the New Jersey National Guard.

"I'm pretty excited," said Gildow, who arrived in New Jersey last week to join Foxtrot Company.

Although his father, Kenjiro, an insurance agent, accepted his decision to go to war calmly, Kim Gildow didn't share her son's excitement.

"I said, 'Go to your room!' " his mother said, half-joking. "Know what? He did. ... He has a lot of respect."

"I support his decision to go," she said. "I am not a believer in this war. Am I excited about his going? No!"

Still, the family threw him a going-away party.

Gildow said he has talked about his decision with his grandfather, Everett, a Vietnam veteran.

"He's a little worried, but he's fine with it," Gildow said.

An avid hunter and outdoorsman since he was 12 -- he bagged a 10-point buck when he was 13 -- Gildow said he'll miss the Minnesota woodlands.

But trading the brutal winters for Iraq's stifling desert heat won't faze him, he says.

"I survived Fort Benning in the summer," he said, referring to the Army base in Georgia where he completed basic training.

Gildow spent his last days in Minnesota visiting friends at the service station where he worked. He even became a kind of unofficial Guard recruiter, answering friends' questions about the military.

"If he were nervous about [Iraq] we'd be sitting down right now," his mother said. "But he's eking out the last days of fun he can."

Gildow, who was considering a career in law enforcement, said he wants to serve his full 20 years in the Minnesota Guard, and maybe join the active Army when he finishes.

"I'd like to try and get into the 82nd [Airborne Division]," he said.

That was grandfather Everett Gildow's unit.

The Brothers

The war in Iraq changed Roger and Dennis O'Brien.

They came back better family men.

"I have a stronger relationship with my sons," Roger said.

"I appreciate life a little more," said Dennis.

The middle-aged brothers, who live a "good jog" from each other in Hamburg, said the strengthened bonds will be a great comfort when they return to Iraq.

Dennis leaves this week for Fort Bliss with Foxtrot Company.

Roger's unit, the 150th Helicopter Assault Battalion from Trenton, deploys in early 2009.

The brothers will celebrate birthdays while in Iraq -- Roger will turn 61, Dennis, 55 -- and will be among the oldest soldiers in their units.

They said they'll miss the backyard barbecues, the brother-to-brother talks, co-workers, the rural lifestyle of Sussex County and, of course, their families.

"I'll leave behind three grandkids [and] elderly parents," Roger said. "You think about that stuff."

Since he returned from Iraq in 2005 -- a platoon sergeant, he supervised the maintenance of Blackhawk helicopters -- Roger said he doesn't hesitate to hug and kiss his grown sons, Christopher, also a National Guard soldier, and Anthony, a police officer in Morristown.

"I wasn't a touchy-feely kind of guy," Roger said. "I'm much more demonstrative with my feelings now. Where there used to be personal space, there isn't anymore."

Roger's wife of 39 years, Toni, isn't thrilled that he's returning to Iraq, but knows, "It's my job."

The fact that Roger is going back to the war zone is a testament to his grit.

He suffered a heart attack before he was deployed in 2005 -- "I had a blockage, they put a stent in," he said. After recuperating for five months, he was medically cleared for duty.

A full-time Guard member, Roger, who served six years in the Air Force, still commutes nearly 200 miles every day to the 150th headquarters in Trenton, where he supervises helicopter mechanics.

Younger brother, Dennis, a former Marine, is just as tough.

But he showed his sensitive side to family and friends when he returned from Iraq.

"My girlfriend, Maria Cassidy, and I became very close from the last time I came back," Dennis said. "She's my life, she keeps me going. I will miss her a lot."

While in Iraq, they kept in touch by e-mail, a practice he will repeat.

Dennis has also grown closer to Cassidy's three sons.

"They treat me like a father," he said.

Dennis, a warehouse manager for a building supply company in Andover, said co-workers wished him luck, but were reluctant to see him go.

"The drivers said the place will be a mess when I leave," he said.

The September deployment will actually be Dennis' third tour of duty in the Middle East. As a Marine sergeant, he served six months in Saudi Arabia during Operation Desert Storm.

Dennis said he is confident that U.S. forces can make a difference in Iraq.

"It's what we got to do to help them get their lives back, so they can run their own country," he said. "Let's hope it doesn't take forever to do it."

The Family Man

Gregg Walls spends hours at a laptop computer in his Teaneck home.

He downloads music to take with him, everything from classical to jazz and hip-hop. But he also double-checks to make sure that his wife has access to computer passwords for bank accounts and financial records.

"Being away a year is daunting," he said.

Walls joined the National Guard only a few years ago - and still stands out as one of the more unusual recent recruits.

He is 38 and will turn 39 in July, the father of two young children. His wife has a successful career as a Manhattan real estate agent. He is a senior accountant with the Oradell-based Burns and Roe engineering firm.

But he wanted more out of life.

"I love Burns and Roe. It's a great company," Walls said. "But what I do doesn't affect anyone outside the company. After a while, you look around for what else is out there."

So he signed up with the National Guard -- while a war was raging.

Besides the chance to help fellow New Jersey residents during floods and other natural calamities, Walls liked the fact that his Guard service offered him free tuition at state colleges for extra courses he wanted to take and a $20,000 bonus.

He just never figured he would be heading to Iraq.

"The way things were supposed to happen, no way was I going to Iraq," Walls said. "The next deployment was not until 2010."

He laughs at the thought, then thinks of his ultimate commander-in-chief, President Bush. Walls is not a fan of the president.

"By then, the crazy man would be out of the White House," Walls says. "But that's not the way it worked out."

Walls, a specialist, accepts this. Part of being a soldier is learning to follow orders, no matter what.

So besides packing, he spends as much time as he can with his children, a 6-year-old daughter, Gabriella, and a 3-year-old son, Ian. Another son from a previous relationship, 20-year-old Christopher, attends Bucknell University.

"My kids are a little on the emotional side," Walls said.

These days, Gabriella likes to show her father where Iraq is on a globe. Walls, in turn, points to Texas -- and the vast Army base in the desert where he will spend the summer.

If Walls has a worry, it's about his 3-year-old son. Does little Ian understand that his father will be gone for a year -- in a combat zone?

"He's a tough nut to crack," Walls says. "I say 'Daddy's going away for a little while' but I'm not sure he understands everything yet."

For his wife, Iris, Walls is trying to set up a webcam on her home computer -- this to augment e-mails and phone calls.

But he's prepared for having to resort to the most basic form of communication.

"If nothing works from Iraq, we'll write letters," Walls says. "Whatever it takes."

Burns and Roe is holding Walls' job -- as the firm is required to by law. But Burns and Roe took the extra step and is paying a large portion of Walls' salary until he returns next June.

"They did not have to do that," Walls said. "But it will make a huge difference for my family. It means we won't have to take a financial hit at all."

For now, his mind is on last-minute details.

Walls is making sure Gabriella and Ian will have rides to school. He checks the house for repairs. He wonders about what else to pack.

"I was thinking of packing my sand wedge, but I decided not to," Walls says. "I don't think there will be much time for golf."

19-year-old savors prom night

The High School Graduate

Dave Monllor had the prom night jitters.

"I'm more nervous than I am about going to Iraq," he said.

Monllor, 19, of Wanaque is one of the youngest soldiers in Foxtrot Company.

But on June 12 the war took a back seat to the Lakeland Regional High School senior prom, held in the cavernous ballroom of The Venetian in Garfield.

His focus that night was on his fiancée, Shana Van Schaack, 18, who graduates from Lakeland this week -- the same week Monllor leaves for Fort Bliss.

"I know a few kids, but not a lot," said Monllor, a burly but soft-spoken 6-footer. He graduated in 2006 from Kearny High School, where he earned letters in football, basketball and baseball.

On the first slow dance of the night, the young couple seemed lost in each other, savoring the moment.

Van Schaack, in a radiant persimmon dress, wrapped her arms around Monllor's neck. He stared straight into her eyes.

"I'm not going to start planning a wedding until he comes back," said Van Schaack, a B-student with two part-time jobs. She cried when she learned about his deployment.

When he goes to war, Monllor will leave behind a small army of well-wishers who are praying for him.

"Dave's a good friend, I worry about him," said Marine Cpl. Carlo Ponsica, 20, of Wanaque, who sat at the couple's table on prom night. "I'd rather take his place [in Iraq]."

"It's scary," said Alexandra Barreiro, 17, a senior at Lakeland and Ponsica's date.

In the small Haskell section of Wanaque, word travels fast.

Parishioners at the Pompton Reformed Church and customers at the CVS Pharmacy in Wanaque, where Monllor was a shift manager, thanked him for his service, and were supportive.

"I'll miss the people. You get close to them," said Monllor, who joined the Guard while a senior in high school, attracted by the college benefits. "It's hard, very hard. You think about it during the day."

The couple met while Monllor was visiting friends in Wanaque. There was instant chemistry.

He proposed on Feb. 15, the day after Valentine's Day, at the intersection of Jackson Street and Whistler Place -- where they first met.

"It was freezing," she said. "I just gave him a big hug."

While at Fort Indiantown Gap, Pa., where the Jersey Guard went for training in April, Monllor's thoughts often went to Van Schaack.

"Not many high school seniors go through what she has," he said.